Today ... what's today?
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Well today is the day I permit myself to truly wear my heart on my sleeve and allow this to be all about me. Blimey, what a concept. It isn't easy. I immediately go into a place of caring about others, how they'll feel and how they will interpret my words.
Who the heck are 'they'?Are 'they' figleafs (sorry I know that's supposed to be figments but lets have a bit of spontaneity and daftness in the room please) of my imagination? 'They' are the people I have fears around - you know the ones who gossip for the drama of it, the people who can't handle situations and should bloody well know better and the bogey men 'they' who lurk in the dark recesses of my mind. Thankfully, although I'm acknowledging 'they' might be there I can't actually locate any at the moment - Hip hip Hooray.
What I know for sure is that the vast majority of people, not just the ones in my own life, people in general, are wonderful beings. People care. Yes we're all inclined to be self obsessed and disappear into the pinhole of our individual existence but when the need arises most will rise to the occasion.
I worry about the people whom I consider to be vulnerable and unable to handle the hurt of personal loss and emotional pain. And yet I am aware of the truth of taking away someone's experience and limiting their growth. Letting go has to be one of the biggest lessons in this journey.
I think I might be a bit of a 'kindness freak' I love life and people and want everyone to be happy and clappy and sparkly and dancing. I want to be kind and supportive and get past my hurt and anger because that truly sits squarely and firmly on my own shoulders. I get upset and annoyed. Omg there have been days recently where I've been so hurt by what I perceive as a dear friend's inaction that I've wanted to 'punch her lights out'.
You know what? It is absolutely necessary and okay to experience those feelings. I'm giving myself permission to go there shout, sob, write texts I'll never send, the whole caboodle. I'll process the feelings. I'll tap my flippin head off if necessary and then I'll forgive - probably won't forget but hey I'm no angel. What's done is done, there's no way back.
With words of 'Our actions are our loudest voice' ringing in my ears I'll remind myself of the magnificent friends who are being the wind beneath my wings.
Please, if you'd like to add your two penneth, if this rings any bells for you, I'd love you to leave a comment.
Much love and Happy Saturday xxxx