A friend and I were discussing the other day how we get plunged into ever decreasing spirals around doubtful thoughts before and after having made decisions, even the ones we feel at the time are truly right for us.
It's often difficult enough actually deciding what to do but oh my, you know how it is once you've decided to do/be/have something?
Yeh, I know you get an initial feeling of euphoria but how often is that followed by niggling thoughts that drag you down like "Did I do the right thing?" .... "Should I have spent that money?" .... "Is it the right decision for everyone else?" .. "What if? .. What if? ... What if?
Are you with me on this one?
Do you recognise how it just gets worse if your choice is questioned and you perceive yourself to be judged by someone else? They could be asking a simple question but what you hear, coloured by your doubts, can be something entirely different and damning.
It can feel like flippin torture
7 ways to ease the Doubting Thomas in your head
"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother" - Kahil Gibran
Feeling doubtful about yourself and your decisions happens, most of us experience it at some time. Even the most confident of people have to wade through moments of doubt. As you move towards your dream doubts and fears are going to show up, like it or not. Self doubt has a way of disempowering you. It's ard to stand up and walk straight and tall when you feel like you're up to your knees in yucky mucky pull you down thoughts.
[bctt tweet="That pendulum swings you and your emotions between belief and disbelief ..." username="SallyCanning"]
between knowing and not knowing ... it leaves you in a low energy state hanging between two contradictions.
My personal experience is that every time I go to step up huge piles of you know what land right in from of me to block my path. I skip along all happy and heady into the process fully confident it's the right thing to do, and yes I often have to grapple with myself where cost and investment is concerned and I somehow get through that, make the decision and then wham bam what the **** happened there??!
I call it the Dip before the Leap - you know like high jumpers - they have to sink really low before they can create enough momentum to get over the bar.
I should know by now that to get through what's holding me back I have to face the doubt. I can't jig around it, wish it away, or come up with solutions as to how I can avoid it. It's like it's a challenge to build my confidence muscle - a necessary part of the process. And I have to remind myself that what we think about we bring about so if I'm emitting confusing, contradictory signals what's going to happen? Simple I'm gonna get more of the same!
Easier Said than Done?
So what to do about it if you can relate to this sorry state of affairs? Here are a few thoughts ...
1. Resist sharing your doubts with negative or toxic people - if they have lost sight of their own hopes and dreams they are hardly likely to boost you up now are they?
Instead speak only to supportive people who will inspire you and who want to bring out the best in you.
2. Make a list of all the good decisions and successes you've had/made in the past, big and small. This can be a tough one to begin with because we have this amazing ability to recall the bad instead of the good. Highlighting past successful experiences will remind you how you overcame those thoughts and obstacles last time. Your track record proves you're a winner so why wouldn't it happen again?
3. Sometimes it is possible to neutralize doubts by asking - "How real is it?" Is this fear based on previous failure, embarrassment, humiliation etc? Truthfully, what is the likelihood of that happening again? And what did you learn from that previous experience that will help you glide over these perceived hurdles?
4. Honour your commitment. In actual fact the only one who can let you down is you! You made the decision for a reason - stick with it.
5. Give yourself permission to go easy on yourself. Self doubt is going to be there every single time you step out of your comfort zone and aim for something higher. And you know what, your doubts are only energetic construct they are only thoughts - they can be changed. Your thoughts create your reality so knowing that aim for positive ones.
6. Often when we get embroiled in the energy of doubt we forget the obvious -
Why did you want this to begin with?
Do you have the courage to see it through?
Can you recognize that these thoughts are a recurring part of your process? It's what you 'do'?
Can you appreciate that doubt and fear can only control you if you allow that to happen?
How do you deal with your doubting Thomas? Please do share