Laughter is the best medicine
I'm in reflective mode and to be totally truthful I'm in a bit of a 'no man's land' place at the moment, I'm considering laughter and love and lightness and what they all mean.
I'm of a mind that some things need an overhaul, a new beginning, a new vision even.
Do you ever get like that ... a bit 'all at sea' as to what to do and where to go next?
I have a whole new life spread out in front of me and I haven't a clue which way to turn.
I figured you may be able to draw some comfort from this journey of mine. It's good to know we're not alone when we're flailing about trying to find our way through the fog of new and sometimes quite alarming circumstances.
What happened here?
I'm being transparent and share with you the vulnerability of where I am, what I've learned, what I'm still learning as I re emerge into the light of day shaking my head and wondering what the **** happened there. Some days I'm not even sure it wasn't just some weird larger than life dream I wandered into.
I hope you can recognise one or two little jewels in here that could be vital to your well being too.
Click the link at the end for 6 things to do when life pulls the rug from under your feet.
When life throws us a curved ball in such a profound way - once the seeing stars and reeling with confusion has settled isn't it natural to want to review our perspectives on life, to re evaluate, question our priorities? Or is that just me?
Lessons have to come out of huge experiences
This I believe with all my heart and soul ... but what? Wouldn't you think they'd be so obvious they'd hit you smack between the eyes?
What I learned for sure over the past 12 months (I can hardly believe it's exactly a year) is who was there for me.
* I learned big time how lucky am I to have been showered with that kind of love and support.
* I learned about the magnificence and the generosity of the human spirit
* I've re learned the importance of humour - the bright sparkly joyful laughter kind and the black tongue in cheek version too. Well, perhaps it's just me but I found a lot of it amusing. It's vital.
Let there always be laughter no matter what!!
* I learned what in the grand scheme of things was important ...
No, I haven't adopted a sackcloth and ashes mentality, I didn't lose all my desires for material things - in fact, one of the first things I said was that I was keeping my car no matter what!
Now if you'd have told me that a year or two ago I'd have thought you were nuts, but what being told I'd die, and soonish did was make me appreciate the people and things that made me happy on all kinds of levels.
I don't have a bucket list so there wasn't a rush to be places and complete long anticipated wishes save for going to Oz to see my son and his family. It truly was through the little big things life's brilliance and magnificence emerged even in the darkest times.
* I learned even more how to be open to change and opportunities.
Oooh here's a biggie ...
*I learned to ask for and accept help!
And I learned to enjoy the fact that people LOVE the opportunity to help
* I learned to express my emotions more freely rather than stuffing them down to save someone else's feelings.
I even totally lost it the day after I got the diagnosis - Totally fell off my pedestal. I still shake my head at that one but it happened, it's over, I grieved one hell of a lot for a lost friendship, and I'm okay. The outcome was sad but maybe it was meant to be. Sometimes circumstances force us to see things for what they are in the most unexpected of ways.
This next one is pretty humoungous too ...
* I learned to put my own needs first (that one took a little while!!!)
* I learned that what I want matters and even if it means going against the establishment, family wishes, whatever, call it selfish if you wish but at the end of the day it's my life and as far as I know the only one I have.
"She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away she adjusted her sails" ~ Elizabeth Edwards
* I'm always pretty fearless but I learned how to acknowledge my fears and take responsibility for my own actions.
I even learned to let go
Not just in a relaxing zen kind of way,
but also to let go of surplus possessions
and most of all massive stresses and old old 'stuff' that emerged in full screen technicolour with the horror of the diagnosis.
Yup, I had a right old meltdown, worked my way through it and felt tons better afterwards.
* And then I learned to work on things as they emerged rather than waiting til there was a big bundle to handle.
* I've reaffirmed the importance of gratitude over and over again. Gratitude or my kids, for my friends, for this community, for small mercies, for life and love and continuing to be here, happy and healthy and thriving.
* I learned to allow myself to be human, and even though my body healed in double quick time, I allowed and am still allowing myself to fully experience the down times as occasional waves of feeling rubbish and the reverberations of shock still sweep over me.
Yep, I've learned a lot, and I'm sure there's so much more.
I've let go of so much.
And you know what?
Through it all I never forgot to Remember Who I AM!!!!
Right at the beginning of this little adventure I likened it to someone having thrown all the components of my life up into the air and I'm still waiting to see where they settle.
I'm kind of hoping it happens soon because waiting in limbo is a not such a comfy place to be.